Scarred
by Thalia Lulu
Summary: But oh, look at all of the damage you have done in time. If you offer salvation I will run into your arms. — Sasuke/Sakura./ Non-massacre.


_Caught in the darkness, I go blind_

_But can you help me find my way out?  
Nobody hears me, I suffer the silence  
Can you tell me it's over now?_

_— Shadows;_ **Red.**_  
_**i. going under.**_  
_

Sakura touched the cold, white mask, lips twisting in a wry grimace. She moved her fingers along the line of the carefully painted feline features and squirmed slightly in her seat, remembering the words that had fallen from the dying man's lips.

"Hands are warm. Heart is cold." He had said, while coughing blood. She had aimed for a quick death. She never liked to prolong people's agony. Watching people suffer, especially by her hand, left a new scar on her already battered heart. Her mother had said she was not fit for a killer. Sakura had been furious and determined to prove her wrong, at the cost of hundreds of lives.

His words had shaken something within her and she had scrambled back from his body, bringing her bloodied hands together. They felt warm — warmer than usual, actually. She had cast a frantic look at the man, mouth opening to demand what he meant by his words, but her angry words had died in her throat when she saw that his chest no longer moved in desperate need for oxygen. He had died.

There really was no reason for her to be so unnerved by his words. Many enemies had said worse things before dying and she had brushed them off relatively easy. But this time, this time his words had struck a nerve. She had started to wonder, ever since she'd accepted the mask almost a year ago, if she had taken the right choice. Sure, the recognition she'd yearned for ever since she became a shinobi was more than welcome. Everyone who knew of her ANBU status treated her with more respect and she could feel the pride in Kakashi-sensei and Tsunade-shishou's voice whenever they spoke of her. But all the killing she had done, it was too much to bear. She hadn't just killed grown men and women either. She had to kill children. Innocent, bright eyed children. There really was no place for mercy in ANBU's life, something she had become disturbingly accustomed to. The very thing she had feared so many months ago when she accepted her mask from her shishou.

She should have known that becoming an ANBU would ruin her. But she had been so desperate to get the same recognition Sasuke and Naruto did from everyone in the village. She had always been the one people spoke of as an afterthought or not at all. Her prodigal skills in the medical field had gone unnoticed by most of Konoha's higher ups because, really, faced with all of Sasuke and Naruto's accomplishments, her medical ninjutsu was nothing.

Naruto and Sasuke didn't need to become ANBU to be considered one of the most powerful ninjas in the village. They didn't need to prove themselves to anyone anymore. Sasuke had it easier than Naruto, though. At the beginning of their ninja careers, Naruto had been thought of as a worse ninja than ever her. For years he'd been mocked and scoffed at whenever he proudly proclaimed his dream of becoming Hokage. She had to admit that she had been one of those people who treated his ambitions with nothing more than condescending amusement. She and Sasuke had agreed that Naruto was idiot and would probably never advance to Chunin level.

But he had. He had, slowly but surely, advanced beyond everyone's, admittedly low, expectations of him. She hadn't really noticed when but while she stayed behind, assured that at least she wasn't the weakest, Naruto had trained and blossomed until he become a powerhouse who managed to take on a fully transformed jinchuuriki at the mere age of twelve.

From this point forward, Sasuke and Naruto started their fierce rivalry and constantly challenged each other, which prompted them to become stronger and stronger, in hopes of trashing the other. Kakashi-sensei had forgotten all about her after he realised the potential the boys had and she had to turn to someone else, someone who initially didn't want to train her at all. It had been a hard and bitter pill to swallow, but she had eventually accepted that she'd never be thought of as strong as Naruto and Sasuke.

That hadn't quelled her thirst for recognition, though. So when her shishou had told her that she had impressed everyone at the ANBU exam and that she had a place in the ops if she was still interested, she had accepted without a second thought. Her father always said that her impulsiveness would get her in big trouble one day.

Another thing her parents had been right about.

"Sakura-san?"

Her shinobi training was the only thing that stopped her from jumping in her chair. Whirling her chair around, she came face to face with a figure crouching on her windowsill, white mask almost glowing in the dark office. She relaxed in her seat when she recognised the mask and smiled slowly in surprise and confusion as to why he was there. "Itachi-san, what are you doing here?"

The man jumped inside her office and she sucked in a breath when she caught the smell coming from him. She could feel the metallic taste of blood on her tongue, just by smelling it. Shooting up from her chair in alarm, she grasped one of his arms and pulled him towards the couch. He sat down obediently and allowed her glowing hand to move over his upper body. Sakura's gaze sharpened and she drew back. "Take of your shirt." She ordered, turning to grab her coat that hung from the a hook on the door. She shrug it on over her clothes and gathered her hair in a tight bun, then moved towards her desk, where she had stocked bandages for emergencies like this. Sasuke, Naruto and Kakashi often appeared on her window whenever they came back from a mission and had an injury that they deemed serious enough for medical attention. They had some ridiculously childish aversion to the hospital and refused to be hospitalized and unless they were unconscious there was no way you could get a hold of them and put them in a hospital bed.

Itachi had recently joined the three men in his occasional visits to her office. Ever since they started working together in ANBU, actually. He had never struck her as someone who actively hated being tied to a hospital bed, but she supposed that he either hid it well or she just hadn't paid attention that much. Not that any of that mattered anyway.

Once she had grabbed a few rolls of bandages, she straightened and walked back to him. He had three gashes slashed across his chest, from a kunai, judging by the shape. They weren't terribly deep and she was sure there would be no scaring after she was finished healing him, but they still needed quick medical attention because of the extensive blood loss. "Lay down." She ordered as she knelt down beside the couch and put the bandages on her lap. The silent Uchiha did as he was told, closing his eyes when Sakura's hands immediately reached out to inspect his wounds.

"I'd need to clean the wounds first." She murmured quietly, more to herself than to him. She put the bandages on the couch and stood up, going inside the small adjoined bathroom she had. There was a small basin there and a freshly washed towel she had brought with her this morning. Perfect.

She filled the basin with water and grabbed the towel, hurrying back inside her office. Resuming her previous position by the couch, she carefully cleaned his wounds with the wet towel, trying to be as gentle as possible. He had told her before that she shouldn't bother with being gentle with him — "The pain reminds me I am human, Sakura-san. Sometimes, I forget." — but it was in her nature to try to make sure her patients were as comfortable as the circumstances allowed them.

She glanced at his masked face, wondering who had managed to inflict this injury upon the prodigal Uchiha. He had been to her office only four times in the past ten months they'd started to work together — once was about his eyes, not an injury — and this was the worst injury she had seen on him thus far. On missions, he had never gotten injured. She had healed Genma, Shino and herself plenty of times but never him. He never allowed anyone to come close enough to touch him.

"Do you have a question to ask me, Sakura-san?"

Sakura blushed faintly when she realised she'd been staring and shook her head. She cleaned the last of the blood from his wounds and put the towel back in the water, pulling her sleeves up to her elbows as she did so. "I'll begin the healing now." She murmured quietly, placing her glowing hands over his chest. She felt him tense for a second beneath her touch, a normal reaction to foreign chakra entering his system, and then relax completely under the warmth of healing chakra. Smiling slightly, she closed her eyes and concentrated on treating his wounds. If she gave his wounds her fullest attention she'd be ready with all three of them under eight minutes. She felt rather proud of this accomplishment.

Itachi was a quiet, cooperative patient. She liked that a lot. Naruto tended to whine a lot, and loudly, and when he wasn't whining, he jabbered on and on about the mission he'd been on and about how much ass he'd kicked. Sasuke grumbled, too. He always told her when he felt displeased with something, and sometimes he fell into those weird moods when he felt like interrogating her about everything that was going on with her life. Kakashi was quiet, but he had to work on his cooperative part.

Itachi was a quiet person in general, though. Sakura had noticed that about him. It was impossible _not _to. He wasn't quiet in the way Sasuke was quiet, who made his silences heavy and brooding and _loud _which was rather redundant but perfectly explained the way Sasuke could make someone incredibly uncomfortable by saying nothing at all. Itachi silence was peaceful and light and it relaxed her. Though she found relaxation in Sasuke's broody silences, too, after all this time being his teammate and a friend.

That being taken into account, Sakura couldn't brag with intimate knowledge of the Uchiha heir. He was just as mysterious as he'd been ten months ago when she had her first mission with him, and she had a feeling that this wouldn't change soon. But she felt flattered that he felt comfortable enough to place his safety in her hands, and she felt especially flattered when he had trusted her enough to let her have a look at his eyes. He hadn't let anyone touch his eyes beside her to best of her knowledge. Sasuke was the same. Whenever his eyes were troubling him, he would come to Sakura and no one else.

She may not know him well, but she felt affection towards him, for showing such trust in her abilities.

Several minutes later, she removed her hands from his closed wounds and ordered him to sit up. He did without complaining. As she was wrapping his chest with bandages, she looked up at his masked face and smiled tentatively. "Do you want me to check on your eyes, Itachi-san?"

There was a short pause and Sakura paused in her wrapping to glance up at him again, raising her eyebrows slightly to emphasis that she expected an answer. "...that would be very much appreciated, Sakura-san."

Sakura smiled brightly and nodded. "Okay, then. Just let me finish with this first." She said and began bandaging him quicker. The reason for her eagerness was from purely medical reasons. The Uchiha eyes were fascinating to examine. They were so much more complicated than the normal eyes and even after all the sessions she'd had with Sasuke, she still hadn't touched the deepest of their secrets. The only eyes that could compare in complexity to the Uchiha's eyes were the Hyuuga's, but their eyes were complicated in a entirely different way. Either way, she felt incredibly lucky for having the opportunity to study their eyes and she looked forward to it and made the best of the limited time she had.

"Done!" She said, leaning back on her hunches with a bright, triumphant smile on her face. She looked up when Itachi reached to remove his mask and she sucked in a breath when he removed it, revealing sharp, crimson eyes. She charged chakra to the tips of her fingers and pressed them on both sides of his head, closing her eyes to concentrate better. "Do they hurt?"

"Only the usual pressure and stinging." He replied, his voice sounding a little sleepy.

"Headaches?" Sakura asked, opening one eye to look at him.

"Yes." He replied, his forehead creasing for a moment.

"Do you want me to write you a prescription?"

"I would appreciate it if you did, Sakura-san." Sakura smiled at his polite answer and hummed slightly to tell him she would. Now that she was over with needed questions, she closed her eyes and concentrated fully on her task. The only reason Itachi still had his vision was because of Sakura. She wasn't saying this to brag, but because it was the simple truth. She had managed to find a way to reverse the damages the Mangekyo Sharingan did to his nerves, though that came with a price as well. He had to use the Sharingan significantly less, and the Mangekyo only if it was a very dire situation that called for such drastic measures. And he had to go through an intense healing session if he used the Mangekyo.

Sasuke didn't have the same problem, because he didn't have the Mangekyo. Although, it was still not advisable for him to use his Sharingan all the time, either. The pressure their kekkai genkai put on their nerves, which could get frayed ridiculously easy due to their delicacy, was damaging not only to their eyes. Besides, it was always exhausting. Sasuke was usually the most exhausted out of the three of them after a fight. It was because of his constant use of the Sharingan, which put pressure not only on his eyes, but his head and chakra system.

"Alright then." Sakura said, breaking the silence that had settled between them. She removed her hands from his face and gathered her supplies. "I'll write you the prescription in a second." She said as she stood up and went into the bathroom to leave her things there. She returned in her office and politely averted her eyes as Itachi dressed himself. It was one thing to stare at his bare chest while she was healing him, and another to stare while he was getting dressed.

She took a seat behind her desk and took out the stack of prescription lists. She felt him walk near her desk as she leaned over the paper and wrote down his usual prescription for his sharingan induced migraine. "Here you go, Itachi-san!" She said as she looked up, handing him the paper. She stilled when she saw him twirling her mask between his gloved fingers with a curious expression on his face.

Sakura licked her lips nervously as she watched him inspect her mask for whatever reason, and spoke before she could stop herself. "I'm thinking of leaving ANBU." She froze as she registered her own words. Did she really say that out loud? She resisted the urge to slap a hand against her forehead and attempted to look confident instead of nervous as she met his dark grey eyes.

"You are?" He asked after a beat of silence. He put the mask down on her desk and reached for his own, which hung around his neck. "You will be missed, Sakura-san."

Sakura nodded slowly, turning her chair around to watch him climb out her window. He stopped on the windowsill, pausing before he leaped in the air. "It is not a bad decision, Sakura-san." He said with a slight nod of his head, and then, he was gone.

Sakura turned her chair and took the mask in her hands, running her fingers along the cold porcelain. "No." She said quietly. "It's not."

...

Sakura shifted the shopping bags from her right hand to her left and rummaged through her hip pouch for her keys. Her hand froze when she felt a sudden shift in her apartment, a sudden appearance of a foreign chakra. She sighed in relief when she recognised the chakra signature and her suspicion melted into happiness as she walked the door and walked in her apartment to find Sasuke leaning against the wall in her entrance way, arms crossed over his chest.

"Sasuke-kun, you're back!" She exclaimed happily, dropping the bag on the floor. Sasuke pushed away from the wall and Sakura jumped at him, wrapping her arms around his waist. He stiffened, as per usual, but then relaxed into her warm embrace and hugged her with one arm around her waist. Sakura pushed away almost immediately, remembering that he had just returned from a mission. "Are you hurt?" She asked, her eyes roaming up and down his body, searching for any signs blood or other injury.

"I'm alright, Sakura." Sasuke assured her, his lips forming a small smirk.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Your version of alright or my version of alright?" She asked, but relaxed when she didn't spot any signs of injury on him.

"Do you have something to eat?" Sasuke asked instead, leaving for her kitchen. Sakura sighed, grabbed her shopping bag and followed him inside.

"I was just going to prepare some rice balls." Sakura said, dropping the bag on the kitchen counter. Sasuke sat on his usual chair on her small table, with all of its mismatching five chairs. Sakura smiled at him, at the picture me made sitting at her table, and started to pull things out of her bag. "How was your mission?"

"Easy."

Sakura snorted. "Of course."

She stilled when he suddenly appeared beside her. "Do you need help?" He asked quietly. Sakura looked up at him, her eyes widening slightly. That was unusual behaviour for Sasuke. He usually sat at the table and waited for her to finish with the cooking. Sometimes, she had to physically force him to wash his dishes after he'd finished eating. He'd never volunteered to help her without being forced into it by Naruto, which didn't made it volunteering, in the end.

"Sure." She said eventually, when she realised she'd been staring at him for a minute straight and he was starting to get uncomfortable. "You can cook the rice." She said, smiling at him. She opened her mouth to tell him where the rice cooker was but he moved before she could, opening the right cupboard. She watched him silently as he moved around her kitchen in a familiar fashion, as if he'd been doing it for years. Despite her better judgement, she couldn't help but think it just suited him, to be there, in her kitchen, helping her with dinner.

She blushed as soon as the thought had passed and averted her eyes from Sasuke, looking down at the her hands. She couldn't allow herself to think like that about him. She had promised to herself that she'd move on and forget about him. She could be his friend and teammate but never something more. It had become apparent in the years of their friendship that he didn't feel that way about her, and she was only hurting herself by continuing to pine after him.

"Sakura, I'm not doing everything." His disgruntled voice put an end to her depressing thoughts and she looked at him. He was leaning against the counter beside the oven, his eyebrows raised in an expectant fashion.

"Oh, right." She said, giggling nervously. She gathered her hair in a bun and prepared the nori and umeboshi she had bought, and then moved towards her fridge where she had some tomatoes.

Their worked in sync and pleasant silence. Sakura kept glancing at Sasuke, who stood over the rice cooker with a peaceful expression on his face, none of the usual scowling or frowning present on his face. She wondered what had happened on the mission that had brought such tranquility in him. Usually tranquility wasn't a feeling she or anyone else associated with missions.

"Did something happen on the mission?" Sakura asked as they set down the table, unable to stop herself. Her curious eyes met Sasuke's surprised ones.

"Nothing unusual." He replied. "Why?"

"Just wondering." Sakura replied as she took her usual seat. "You seem different somehow."

Her curiosity only grew when she saw him stiffen slightly. She opened her mouth to ask what was wrong but a loud banging on her door beat her to it.

"SAKURA-CHAAAAAAAAAN! Sai is being a dick again!"

Sakura and Sasuke sighed in unison. The pink-haired girl stood up and headed towards the door with heavy steps and a start of a mean headache. She halted when she heard Sai's voice from the other side of the door.

"I think Sakura-san is aware that I am in possession of a dick, Naruto. She is also aware that you lack one. I was under the impression you didn't want anyone else to know to know about this, as you usually shout at me and become enraged whenever I—"

"Sakura-chan, open the door and shut him up before I _kill him_!" Naruto shouted, continuing to pound her door with his fists.

"Gai-san says that violence between team mates is a sign that we are having trouble communicating correctly. I am open for a discussion of our feelings —"

"Sai, I swear to Kami, if you don't—"

Sakura swung the door open, putting on an unimpressed expression on her face. Both Sai and Naruto closed their mouths upon seeing her, and Naruto smiled nervously when he took in her unhappy disposition.

Sai, as per usual, remained oblivious.

"Ugly as ever, Ugly." Sai said, nodding his head in greeting.

Naruto's expression was a mix of horror and amusement as he watched Sakura's face morph into the mask of fury.

"Sai—" Sakura began in a dangerously low voice. "— if you value your life one bit, you'll not refer to me as Ugly for the rest of the night, or the rest of our lives, preferably. I was serious when I told you that one day you'll make me snap and I'm going to rearrange that pretty face of yours into something even your mother won't recognise!"

Sai blinked. "My mother is dead." He said blankly.

Sakura's temper rose and her hold in her door knob tighter so much that she bend the metal. "This is so not the point!" She hissed.

"I've read that women with temper are rarely pursued by men, due to fear for their genitals." Sai said, not helping his case at all.

Sakura felt like a dark certain had fallen over her eyes. She usually tolerated Sai's tactless behaviour the most in their team, but sometimes, like today, she had no patience for his bullshit. "Do you have a death wish?"

Sai remained infuriatingly oblivious to the threat in her voice. "I can't say I have, no. Why?"

"Uh, Sai—" Naruto said, gulping at the sight of Sakura's red cheeks and crazed eyes. "I think you should stop right here."

Sai looked at Naruto curiously. "Did I say something wrong?"

"You're a dumbass." A new voice entered the scene, and Naruto's eyes widened.

"Bastard!" He exclaimed. "You're back!"

Sasuke nodded at Naruto and put a hand on fuming Sakura's shoulder. This action surprised them all, especially Sakura, who turned around to look up at him, all anger forgotten at this point.

"Calm down." He told her. "No point in wasting words on him. He's an idiot."

"I must say you are incorrect, Sasuke-san." Sai said blandly. "My IQ has been estimated to—"

"I don't care." Sasuke cut off rudely. He had even less patience than Naruto when it came to Sai. Sakura knew that he had taken a great dislike to Sai from the day he had showed up on their training session as Naruto's replacement until their blonde team mate returned from his training with the sannin Jirayia. It was then that Sakura realised that Sasuke really loved Naruto and was very affected by the blonde's departure. "Let's go eat. The food is getting cold." He said and turned sharply on his heel, leaving them all to stand in Sakura's small entrance hallway.

"Well, you heard him." Sakura replied with a sigh. She turned to Sai and Naruto and glared at them. "But no fighting or you'll be paying to renovate my whole apartment, not just the things you've broken in your stupidity."

"Yes, sir!" Naruto said, saluting. When he saw Sakura's raised eyebrows, he quickly backtracked. "Madam! I meant, madam!"

Sakura nodded in satisfaction. "Take off your shoes and come in the kitchen." She said as she turned around and left down the hallway. She stopped when she heard Sai's voice.

"You're so whipped."

Naruto choked, and Sakura's eyes widened in shock and amusement.

"W-what? Where did you learn that?"

"Kiba-san told me you are." Sai replied helpfully.

"Well, I'm not! Kiba is an idiot! Don't listen to what he says!"

"You have been referred to as an 'idiot' by many people. Does that mean I shouldn't listen to you either?"

"Sai." Naruto growled. "Shut up."

Sakura couldn't help but smile fondly, despite her irritation.

All of her boys were idiots, but she loved them.


End file.
